My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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