I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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