Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
sex in a hospital.. check
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
