i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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