I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
