Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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