he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
