Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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