Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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