Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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