I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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