apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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