I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
