I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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