He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
