Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
should my penis look like a turkey
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
