She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
