Kiss
Puke
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
