i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
