Don't make out with my wife yet
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
