yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
