i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
