If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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