Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
