If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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