The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
