I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
