after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
