girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
