We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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