Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
