So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
