Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
