dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
