Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
