Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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