You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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