New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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