yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
