So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
