fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
