So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he was CRYING into my vagina
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
