Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
