Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
