The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
