someone get that fucking seahorse.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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