My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
