Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They took my balls.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
