if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
