I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
