saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well I just put wine in my tea
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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