Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
