This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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